Ego in the Birth Room
Siobhan Ridley
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
As a birth doula I often reflect on what it is to be beside a birthing person as they labour. Every birth is different and every birthing person and their tiny human are utterly unique. As I wait patiently for the summoning call from my clients I prepare in all the practical ways. I think about my practical skills. I think about my biomechanics knowledge and how to apply it. I think about what I know about labour and birth and I reread some of my favourite pieces from my library. I organise my birth bag so that it’s full of things for my client and myself. I prepare my household in 100 different ways for me to leave at a moments notice. I revise my notes on my client and everything I know about them, their needs, their fears and wishes.
Perhaps most importantly of all I purge myself of my own baggage - my fears; my insecurities; my own experiences of previous births (mine or others); and most vitally of all, my EGO.
The last one is so hard. It takes constant work to lay ego aside and keep it there. It involves constantly checking oneself and perpetual self reflection.
When I say ‘EGO’, I’m not talking arrogance, I’m talking about the worries I have about being a good doula or how I feel and my emotional states or my personal judgements and thoughts about my clients choices.
None of that serves my client. And actually none of it serves me. I can’t be a good doula if in my head I’m making it all about me. It blocks my ability to see clearly. To tune in to the needs of my client. To BE what THEY need. To recognise that sitting at the back of the room watching with loving intention is just what they need, when to do it and when not to fill the time with action as a need for my ego.
A phrase I say to myself always is: “who does this action/this thought/these words serve?”
Birthkeepers, what do you do to prepare for each birth? If you’re a midwife, do you give yourself time and space to reflect/purge/refresh?